Don’t Wreck Yourself

Dispatches From the Cola Wars

Yes,  there's a heat wave, but there's nothing more refreshing than rubbing a cool new episode against your earballs. Ryan and Matt start off by taking on an r/AskReddit question about the soundtrack in Hell, before taking on a hellishly tumultuous family feud pitting two golden children against their jealous siblings in the Case of the Stolen In-laws which comes to us courteous of r/AmItheAsshole. Then they take a dip into a purported image of Presidential loser Donald Trump rescuing cats from dangerous flood waters found on Facebook. Then they wrap up the episode with a pair of insane topics that prove that capitalism can make even the softest drinks go hard with death squads and naval armadas.  

Don’t Spook Yourself Midnight Double Feature!

Ryan and Cap revisit our Halloween Specials and provide behind the scenes commentary on a pair of our favorite episodes! Relive Cap's first show appearance, and let us haunt you with all the facts. Faaaaacts.Don't Spook Yourself Credits
In this special Halloween episode, Matt and Ryan are joined by Cap from the podcast Shrimp and Crits. They take on a variety of terrifying topics, including ghosts, vampires, werewolves, zombies, pregnancy, and the end user license agreement for one of Amazon's software solutions. Are you terrified yet? While discussing whether there are ghost seamen in vampire balls, they hold flashlights under their faces to increase the spook factor. How about now?
Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicide
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcritsFind Cap's show at www.shrimpandcrits.com 
Support the show by visiting www.fondlemelobster.comChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
CREDITS FOR SHOW NOTES
"Thunder, Very Close, Rain, A.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org
"Thunder, Very Close, No Rain, C.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org
"Thunderstorm_003_Minus1db.mp3" by Algaeman of Freesound.org
"footsteps-squeeky-wood.aiff" by tmkappeltn of Freesound.org
"knakande-dorr" by ryding of Freesound.org
"creaking-door" by fuzzpapi of Freesound.org
"knakande-dorr" by ryding of Freesound.org
"door-pounding-increasing-intensity" by jhumbucker of Freesound.org"poof-of-smoke" by planman of Freesound.org
"doorknob-rattle-2" by castironcarousel of Freesound.org
"button-05" by jarredgibb of Freesound.org
"2-beating-of-wings" by miguelab1998 of Freesound.org
"duskwolf" by killyourpepe of 
Freesound.org
"Songs and Csardas" performed by Emery Deutch and his Gypsy Orchestra (Recorded 1949) retrieved October 2021 from https://archive.org/details/78_as-a-bud-blossoms-to-a-rose-asszony-lesz-a-lanybol_emery-deutsch-and-his-gypsy-or_gbia0020274
Don't Spook Yourself 2 Credits
Happy Halloween! For the second annual Don't Spook Yourself Halloween spectacular, Ryan is joined by the incredibly spooky Catie Stroud and absolutely kooky Cap from Shrimp and Crits. They talk candy hotdogs memes, before knocking on a stranger's door to provide a smart answer to an r/nostupidquestions inquiry exploring the connection between Dracula and the classic Halloween banger Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by Johannes Sebastian Bach. Then they try to figure out whether a native American curse is murdering Floridians with cotton candy colored farts. Then they delve into the darkest innermost reaches of the human soul when they answer a cry for help on r/AmItheAsshole dealing with a radio famous monstrous goat sucker. Then they discuss some junior grade suckers being scammed by a post from r/UnethicalLifeProTips. Then they hop onto a vintage meme showcasing the fight against monstrously large grasshoppers in the American west. Finally, our trio of Halloween experts stir the cauldron by helping a user from r/NoStupidQuestion dress themself for the biggest spooky day of the year.Also, we've hidden some weird treats throughout the episode.
The following music was used for this media project:
Music: Kinetic Energy by Tim Kulig
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/9180-kinetic-energy
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Artist website: https://timkulig.com/albumsMuch of today's episode was made possible freesounds.org, a phenomenal resource for audio producers on budget. Their audio is all user uploaded under a creative commons license. I encourage you to tap into that resource and maybe leave a donation to ensure that their free sound database will be there for future Don't Wreck Yourself Halloween episodes...
https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/339325/#
https://freesound.org/people/Benboncan/sounds/63220/
https://freesound.org/people/Glaneur%20de%20sons/sounds/104952/
https://freesound.org/people/Bosk1/sounds/144083/
https://freesound.org/people/d78productions/sounds/367982/
https://freesound.org/people/revolt2563/sounds/352870/
https://freesound.org/people/0XMUSEX0/sounds/168650/
https://freesound.org/people/jorickhoofd/sounds/160047/
https://freesound.org/people/florianreichelt/sounds/459964/
https://freesound.org/people/Timbre/sounds/103539/
https://freesound.org/people/jaryhenry/sounds/567199/
https://freesound.org/people/DylanTheFish/sounds/419507/
https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/452899/

REMASTERED: Ep.027 - The Gordian Forget Me Not

A Classic from the Archives, one of Ryan's personal favorites because Matt is totally on top of his game!__________________________On this week's episode, Matt and Ryan celebrate a minor production milestone: six months of podcasting. Then they help the desperate souls of Reddit by tackling their most challenging r/nostupidquestions question yet in which the asker would like to become less stupid. Then they plug into a Black Mirroresque story out of the UK that is too graphic and horrible to describe with any level of anatomical precision. They turn their attention to the font of very much not stupid questions again, but this time the question asker is inquiring about what happens when you put a grenade in a microwave, and we answer the question because we don't think anyone is smart enough to decode what we want. Finally, and possibly forever, they discuss meme reports about QR codes going up on Japanese gravestones.__________________________
Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicide
Support the show by visiting www.fondlemelobster.comChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Tug of Gore!

Ryan is joined by Ian, world renowned podcast editor and table top RPG personality to discuss the topics Wrecking the Internet. They start off with a topic from r/RandomThoughts about the films we see that haunt our very souls. Then they dig into a topic from r/ELI5 (Explain it Like I'm 5) asking some pretty hard, and frankly disturbing questions about Tug of War safety. Then they way into a pair of topics r/AmITheAsshole which have two Redditors asking the internet if they were jerks to disabled strangers... SPOILER: At least one of these two people is an asshole, tune in to find out!Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicide
Support the show by visiting www.fondlemelobster.comChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
Find Ian on Twitter @IanMauldinFind Ian's music here: https://damnedrivers.bandcamp.com/ and also here:Find Ian's show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcritsFind them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
This episode was edited by Ian Mauldin

Mr. Ed is My Work Husband

Ryan and Matt take on a lot of work topics in this episode! They start off discussing a fated golf game in which a junior partner at a financial firm publicly spanks rootin' tootin' Texas oil tycoon, costing his company a key customer, and his boss wants to know how to handle it. Then they discuss an incident in which an employee's dissatisfaction gets back to a boss, creating a delicate situation. Then they tackle Elon Musk's egalitarian take on Work from Home, which, like Matt's microphone in this episode, sucks ass. By the way, Matt's microphone in this episode was a backup model with poor sound quality. We apologize for that, but we won't apologize for rounding out the episode discussing whether a new worker on a horse farm is going to have to engage in some quid pro quo with his equine employers.
Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This Episode was not edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldin, but he edits other episodes, and we're too lazy to change the tag in the show notes.

A Lobster or a Dildo, For Example

Ryan and Cap reunite for some pretty questionable questions. First they answer a question from r/TooAfraidToAsk that will change the way you look at genitals. Then, speaking of things people lie about the size of, Ryan and Cap swap fishing stories as they analyze a portrait of gargantuan tuna. Then they wade into another ocean life related question, as they discuss a family's psychopathic ritual crustacean murders... no really. Then they discuss the bathroom etiquette of the dildos you live with and the dildos of the dildos you live with... it's like a Russian doll, but dildos, like a Russian doll painted to look like Vladimir Putin, the biggest dildo in Russia.
You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at www.fondlemelobster.comFind the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideFind Cap on Twitter @capandcritsFind Cap's show at www.shrimpandcrits.com 
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This Episode was edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldin.

Beerdozer

In this week's episode, Ryan and CJ discuss a meme purporting to save you money on home repairs. Then they offer the Jim Kramerest possible wealth management advice on the market when they tackle Whiskey Investment with slightly less slurred enthusiasm than CNBC. Finally they weigh in on the right wing assault on Bud Light, and specifically they look to crush a video of a steamroller destroying pallets of Bud Light.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideFind CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This Episode was not edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldin, but he edits other episodes, and we're too lazy to change the tag in the show notes. 

Eating Kids and Yeeting Kids

In this episode, Ryan and Matt discuss the leak of classified documents on Discord. Then they take on a controversial police action that starts off infuriating, but ends deliciously when everyone eats the victim. Then they discuss a case of a whale supposedly beached in the middle of the Amazon rainforest. Then Matt shares a skydiving service marketing to the parents of toddlers on Facebook. Finally, they discuss a redditor's request for one last cigarette before a fiery air disaster.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideThis Episode edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldinYou can find his show Shrimp & Crits on Twitter and Instagram @shrimpandcrits and online at www.shrimpandcrits.com

Yakuza Kitty Kisses and Other Crimes of Passion

Ryan is joined by Cap and Jess for a wide-ranging discussion covering a lot, and revealing so much more. First they discuss a story from Kentucky centering on a tattling toddler dropping dimes for the 5-0. Then they discuss an unusual rumor at the intersection of Japanese organized crime and sex-focused body modification culture. Then they tear into a completely different topic, with an apparent over the counter sex aid that claims to improve sexual and mental performance. Lastly, Cap elaborates on an old topic about smooching felines, with some practical advice of how to cover up the crime.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicide
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcritsFind Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcritsFind them online at www.shrimpandcrits.comFind Jess on Twitter @UrPhilosophies
 

A Year in Wrecktrospect 2

Welcome to the special two-year anniversary episode of our podcast! We are infinitely grateful for all of the support that our listeners have given us over the past two years, and we wanted to take a moment to celebrate with some of our favorite outtakes from the past year.
This endeavor wouldn't be possible without all the incredible co-hosts and guest hosts who've given so much of their time and effort to this production over the past year. There were two folks who didn't get thanked in the episode.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits
Find Ian on Twitter @IanMauldin
Find Catie on Twitter @CatieStroud
Find Ian's music here: https://damnedrivers.bandcamp.com/
Find Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Find Scott and the No New Friends Podcast on social media @nonewfriendspd and on the web at www.nonewfriendspodcast.com
Find Rick on Instagram @rickreynolds
Find Dr. Brad on Twitter @BradHafford and on the YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@artifactuallyspeaking
Find Shane and Psycho Bob the Cat @shakinshaner and @psychobobca1 on Twitter and online at www.shakinshaner.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

The Dork Side of the Moon

Ryan, Matt, and Monica eat their protein pills and put their helmets on before launching into a slew of Moon related topics. First they establish the facts about when exactly it's 4:20 on the Moon. Then they educate some fellow podcasters about the geological history of the Moon and also, sorta, dinosaurs. Then they tuck into a delicious topic, the literal breakfast of champions: the "traditional" astronaut breakfast of steak and eggs. Then they dive into the blackest hole in the universe, r/AmITheAsshole, with a question about whether or not it's okay to opt out of your high school bully's cancer fundraiser.

No Time for Balls, Dr. Jones

Ryan and CJ analyze a viral video from Facebook purporting to show the death of an Indiana Jones stunt performer. Then they provide an exceptional value to folks online looking for the cheapest possible legal opinion by weighing in free of charge on a question by someone considering a lawsuit against their neighbor for beekeeping. Then they settle a question posed by a TikTok user who wants to know which sportscar is most likely to get pulled coming out of the parking lot of a bar. Then they try to break down the science of a penis moving at a scientifically unlikely velocity.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/g863M7ZSA8

Rodent Based Weather Monitoring Balloons

Matt returns for an episode to help break Ryan from a news cycle that will not die not matter how many Executive Branch officials have to get raided by the thugs of Joe Biden's crooked FBI (that's a joke, but seriously, you're great FBI, no notes this time.) Matt opens up the show by spinning a tale of deceit, lust, intemperance, and a lovely Delta Airlines customer service representative named after a snack icon Little Debbie (I assume). Then they go on to discuss a final, yes FINAL Groundhog's Day themed question shared by listener Diana, followed by a second topic  from Diana about a snow plow naming contest. Finally, Matt and Ryan offer some commentary on the discourse surrounding recently lost Chinese spy balloons.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Matt high as fuck on his couch most days, or you can...
Find Matt on TikTok and Instagram @mattsaintcool
Find Matt on Twitter @mattbsaintsing
 
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself and dozens of other podcasters on the PodCast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

A Seemingly Infinite Number of Weeks of REDACTED

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Ryan wakes up to even more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events. Again. And Again. And AGAIN.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Rick on Instagram @rickreynolds
Find Dr. Brad on Twitter @@BradHafford and on the YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@artifactuallyspeaking
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Six More Weeks of REDACTED

Ryan wakes up to more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Scott and the No New Friends Podcast on social media @nonewfriendspd and on the web at www.nonewfriendspodcast.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Going 6,000 Rounds With Your Teacher’s Twin Sister

Ryan and CJ revisit a recent topic from Episode 66 by discussing the fundamental differences between Joe Biden and Donald Trump's respective breaches of US national security protocol. Then they delve into a topic from listener Maurice regarding a memed up story of a sewer worker who allegedly got into the vault of the Bank of England. Then they discuss a question from r/TooAfraidToAsk that seeks clarity on how different a person has to be from your significant other to make it "not cheating". They follow up by taking a question from r/NoStupidQuestions from a student who wants to understand the math behind their math teacher's grading metrics... if only there was someone more qualified to answer their math questions... then they wrap things up by gunning down another topic from show listener Maurice that centers on a meme claiming that a piece of heavy duty military hardware has found itself in the hands of one of America's most dangerous people... the Florida Man.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Can A Bald Eagle?

Ryan is joined by CJ on this episode to discuss all the internet's questions! First they discuss a conspiracy about r/conspiracy posted on r/conspiracy. Then they take a deep dive into the internet rumor that America's former sweetheart Ellie Kemper won a KKK beauty pageant, but the truth is actually way weirder and it involves a lot of armed, racist sorcerers throwing fat stacks at a parade celebrating the dismantling of 100 year old labor dispute. Finally, CJ and Ryan tackle a topic submitted by Cap from Shrimp and Crits! Then at the end, technically speaking, a surprise!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Wreck the Halls 2: Bless Ye Merry Baphomet

In this holiday special, Ryan summons three host to help him Wreck the Halls with boughs of internet folly. Normally we tell you all the topics we cover in an episode, but this is a season of gift giving. Just unwrap it.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Matt cannot be found. By choice.
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the PodCast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZThis episode also contained the two songs by the late, great, and mouthy Tom Lehrer, who graciously arranged for all of his music to be released to the public domain after his death. The following songs were used in this episode...A Christmas Carol - https://tomlehrersongs.com/a-christmas-carol/Smut - https://tomlehrersongs.com/smut/

TouchTunes Terrorism

CJ rejoins Ryan to answer all the heavy hitting questions, like a listener submitted question about roundabout legal etiquette from r/NoStupidQuestions. Then they offer some insight into best barbecue brisket practices from r/bbq. Then they discuss another question from r/NoStupidQuestions that delves into Constitutional rights or physics... it's honestly not clear. Then Ryan dives deep into a topic from r/theydidthemath about dying in sealed room, and then he offers up an anecdote about a popular superstition from South Korea. Then they perk their ears up for another r/theydidthemath question about music piracy! Arrrrrrrrr!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

On Flat Earth, I’m Six Foot

Ryan is joined by his friend Monica this week to unravel the knot of internet ignorance. They start off by explaining what life after 40 looks like to the young folks out there. Then they discuss the population statistics of polar bears in the southern hemisphere, before taking on a picture of a homeschool model of the Earth that frankly has no hemispheres. Then they answer a question from r/antinatalism about why historic maternal death rates did not lead to widespread celibacy, before discussing a meme'd text exchange between some poor kid who is too short for love and his tall friend.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Mastodon and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.comThis week we feature a promo from The Monster's Playbook.
Find The Monster's Playbook on Twitter @monsterplaybook and instagram @monstersplaybook
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Monster's Playbook and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ