Don’t Wreck Yourself

The Dork Side of the Moon

Ryan, Matt, and Monica eat their protein pills and put their helmets on before launching into a slew of Moon related topics. First they establish the facts about when exactly it's 4:20 on the Moon. Then they educate some fellow podcasters about the geological history of the Moon and also, sorta, dinosaurs. Then they tuck into a delicious topic, the literal breakfast of champions: the "traditional" astronaut breakfast of steak and eggs. Then they dive into the blackest hole in the universe, r/AmITheAsshole, with a question about whether or not it's okay to opt out of your high school bully's cancer fundraiser.

No Time for Balls, Dr. Jones

Ryan and CJ analyze a viral video from Facebook purporting to show the death of an Indiana Jones stunt performer. Then they provide an exceptional value to folks online looking for the cheapest possible legal opinion by weighing in free of charge on a question by someone considering a lawsuit against their neighbor for beekeeping. Then they settle a question posed by a TikTok user who wants to know which sportscar is most likely to get pulled coming out of the parking lot of a bar. Then they try to break down the science of a penis moving at a scientifically unlikely velocity.
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Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/g863M7ZSA8

Rodent Based Weather Monitoring Balloons

Matt returns for an episode to help break Ryan from a news cycle that will not die not matter how many Executive Branch officials have to get raided by the thugs of Joe Biden's crooked FBI (that's a joke, but seriously, you're great FBI, no notes this time.) Matt opens up the show by spinning a tale of deceit, lust, intemperance, and a lovely Delta Airlines customer service representative named after a snack icon Little Debbie (I assume). Then they go on to discuss a final, yes FINAL Groundhog's Day themed question shared by listener Diana, followed by a second topic  from Diana about a snow plow naming contest. Finally, Matt and Ryan offer some commentary on the discourse surrounding recently lost Chinese spy balloons.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Matt high as fuck on his couch most days, or you can...
Find Matt on TikTok and Instagram @mattsaintcool
Find Matt on Twitter @mattbsaintsing
 
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A Seemingly Infinite Number of Weeks of REDACTED

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Ryan wakes up to even more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events. Again. And Again. And AGAIN.
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Find Rick on Instagram @rickreynolds
Find Dr. Brad on Twitter @@BradHafford and on the YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@artifactuallyspeaking
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Six More Weeks of REDACTED

Ryan wakes up to more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Scott and the No New Friends Podcast on social media @nonewfriendspd and on the web at www.nonewfriendspodcast.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Going 6,000 Rounds With Your Teacher’s Twin Sister

Ryan and CJ revisit a recent topic from Episode 66 by discussing the fundamental differences between Joe Biden and Donald Trump's respective breaches of US national security protocol. Then they delve into a topic from listener Maurice regarding a memed up story of a sewer worker who allegedly got into the vault of the Bank of England. Then they discuss a question from r/TooAfraidToAsk that seeks clarity on how different a person has to be from your significant other to make it "not cheating". They follow up by taking a question from r/NoStupidQuestions from a student who wants to understand the math behind their math teacher's grading metrics... if only there was someone more qualified to answer their math questions... then they wrap things up by gunning down another topic from show listener Maurice that centers on a meme claiming that a piece of heavy duty military hardware has found itself in the hands of one of America's most dangerous people... the Florida Man.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Can A Bald Eagle?

Ryan is joined by CJ on this episode to discuss all the internet's questions! First they discuss a conspiracy about r/conspiracy posted on r/conspiracy. Then they take a deep dive into the internet rumor that America's former sweetheart Ellie Kemper won a KKK beauty pageant, but the truth is actually way weirder and it involves a lot of armed, racist sorcerers throwing fat stacks at a parade celebrating the dismantling of 100 year old labor dispute. Finally, CJ and Ryan tackle a topic submitted by Cap from Shrimp and Crits! Then at the end, technically speaking, a surprise!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Wreck the Halls 2: Bless Ye Merry Baphomet

In this holiday special, Ryan summons three host to help him Wreck the Halls with boughs of internet folly. Normally we tell you all the topics we cover in an episode, but this is a season of gift giving. Just unwrap it.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Matt cannot be found. By choice.
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the PodCast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZThis episode also contained the two songs by the late, great, and mouthy Tom Lehrer, who graciously arranged for all of his music to be released to the public domain after his death. The following songs were used in this episode...A Christmas Carol - https://tomlehrersongs.com/a-christmas-carol/Smut - https://tomlehrersongs.com/smut/

TouchTunes Terrorism

CJ rejoins Ryan to answer all the heavy hitting questions, like a listener submitted question about roundabout legal etiquette from r/NoStupidQuestions. Then they offer some insight into best barbecue brisket practices from r/bbq. Then they discuss another question from r/NoStupidQuestions that delves into Constitutional rights or physics... it's honestly not clear. Then Ryan dives deep into a topic from r/theydidthemath about dying in sealed room, and then he offers up an anecdote about a popular superstition from South Korea. Then they perk their ears up for another r/theydidthemath question about music piracy! Arrrrrrrrr!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

On Flat Earth, I’m Six Foot

Ryan is joined by his friend Monica this week to unravel the knot of internet ignorance. They start off by explaining what life after 40 looks like to the young folks out there. Then they discuss the population statistics of polar bears in the southern hemisphere, before taking on a picture of a homeschool model of the Earth that frankly has no hemispheres. Then they answer a question from r/antinatalism about why historic maternal death rates did not lead to widespread celibacy, before discussing a meme'd text exchange between some poor kid who is too short for love and his tall friend.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Mastodon and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.comThis week we feature a promo from The Monster's Playbook.
Find The Monster's Playbook on Twitter @monsterplaybook and instagram @monstersplaybook
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Don’t Spook Yourself 2!

Happy Halloween! For the second annual Don't Spook Yourself Halloween spectacular, Ryan is joined by the incredibly spooky Catie Stroud and absolutely kooky Cap from Shrimp and Crits. They talk candy hotdogs memes, before knocking on a stranger's door to provide a smart answer to an r/nostupidquestions inquiry exploring the connection between Dracula and the classic Halloween banger Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by Johannes Sebastian Bach. Then they try to figure out whether a native American curse is murdering Floridians with cotton candy colored farts. Then they delve into the darkest innermost reaches of the human soul when they answer a cry for help on r/AmItheAsshole dealing with a radio famous monstrous goat sucker. Then they discuss some junior grade suckers being scammed by a post from r/UnethicalLifeProTips. Then they hop onto a vintage meme showcasing the fight against monstrously large grasshoppers in the American west. Finally, our trio of Halloween experts stir the cauldron by helping a user from r/NoStupidQuestion dress themself for the biggest spooky day of the year.Also, we've hidden some weird treats throughout the episode.
The following music was used for this media project:
Music: Kinetic Energy by Tim Kulig
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/9180-kinetic-energy
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Artist website: https://timkulig.com/albumsMuch of today's episode was made possible freesounds.org, a phenomenal resource for audio producers on budget. Their audio is all user uploaded under a creative commons license. I encourage you to tap into that resource and maybe leave a donation to ensure that their free sound database will be there for future Don't Wreck Yourself Halloween episodes...
https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/339325/#
https://freesound.org/people/Benboncan/sounds/63220/
https://freesound.org/people/Glaneur%20de%20sons/sounds/104952/
https://freesound.org/people/Bosk1/sounds/144083/
https://freesound.org/people/d78productions/sounds/367982/
https://freesound.org/people/revolt2563/sounds/352870/
https://freesound.org/people/0XMUSEX0/sounds/168650/
https://freesound.org/people/jorickhoofd/sounds/160047/
https://freesound.org/people/florianreichelt/sounds/459964/
https://freesound.org/people/Timbre/sounds/103539/
https://freesound.org/people/jaryhenry/sounds/567199/
https://freesound.org/people/DylanTheFish/sounds/419507/
https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/452899/

Oops! All Sex Education!

CW: IT IS OUR 69TH EPISODE, SO YEAH, IT'S GONNA BE NICE. AND BY NICE WE MEAN SEXUALLY EXPLICIT. LIKE... SLIGHTLY MORE THAN USUAL.
 
Ryan is joined once again by Cap from Shrimp and Crits to celebrate our arrival at a very good number of episodes wit ha very special Oops! All Reddit! episode. This week, they answer a request from r/theydidthemath breaking down the condom budget run rate of a sexually confident Facebook user. Then they take on an age old landmine in every relationship with a query from r/TooAfraidToAsk , before discussing human-nonhuman hybridization in response to an r/NoStupidQuestions post. Turning back to r/TooAfraidToAsk, Ryan and Cap help to arbitrate an embarrassing dispute simmering between housemates. In a tantric display of informational endurance they stick around in r/TooAfraidToAsk to answer questions about blue balls and what constitutes standard dirty talk in the heat of the moment. Finally, they return to r/NoStupidQuestions to help some poor kid who left evidence of his post-pubescence directly in his mother's path to figure his way out of an awkward situation.
 
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Tripping Bullocks

Ryan welcomes Will, AKA Dr. Crox, to the show for a riveting discussion about Japanese fart scrolls, before taking on a question about dancing testicles from r/TooAfraidToAsk. They segue from the surreal to the hallucinatory, when they deal with a meme found on r/TheyDidTheMath requesting info about how much LSD a town would need to get the party started. Then they get into some deep analysis of a bloodthirsty check splitter from r/AmITheAsshole, and round out the episode with a beauty claim from r/conspiracy that accuses Ms. Congeniality Sandra Bullock of harvesting baby penises to achieve her immortal complexion. 
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Find Will on Instagram @drcroxtx
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This episode contains audio from The Ellen Show, which has been edited for length and is presented for analytical context. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-kdXGfxY6o

Han Solo’s Frozen Carbonite Dong

CONTENT WARNING: This episode features descriptions of criminal acts, some of which are violent nature. These crimes include, but are not limited to the following...MATRICIDEHUMAN CLONINGORGAN HARVESTINGTRAPPING PEOPLE IN CARBONITESTAR WARS EPISODES 7-9TACO SPAGHETTISERIAL MURDERPETTY THEFTToday, Ryan is joined by Ian Mauldin from Shrimp and Crits. They discuss a strangely Star Wars branded erotic dessert, before weighing in on a r/AmITheAsshole post seeking judgment on a bride's wedding party politics. Then Ryan and Ian offer their best Tinder dating tips to a Redditor posting on r/NoStupidQuestions. Next they delve into the culinary world examining a pair of food memes. The first is simply a recipe for a disturbing one-pot fusion dish, and then they weigh into the scrumchability of a butter made from maggots. They shake off the post-maggot butter blues with a song and dance related query from r/antiwork before getting wildly sidetracked in the outro.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Ian on Twitter @IanMauldinFind Ian's music here: https://damnedrivers.bandcamp.com/ and also here: Find Ian's show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Locked Down, Tuned Up, Taking Secret Data Dumps

This week Ryan is joiend by CJ Cypress to talk alcohol and barbecue. First they discuss a query from r/TooAfraidToAsk about whether 1pm is too early for her boyfriend to be drunk... then they cross the International Date Line to discuss an alleged Japanese government initiative to get people to drink more booze. Then Ryan breaks down the difference between Hillary's email server and Donald Trump's intentional violation of national security procedures for an r/ask Redditor. Then they talk about... have you ever seen The Shape of Water? It's like that, but instead of water it's . Finally, a classic DWY combo... drugs and bears!Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpodFind us online at www.wreckyourpod.comFind CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmasterscChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Mattmorial Laser Bike Parade

We are coming back from a hiatus with all sorts of changes! Tune in to find out! Cap of Shrimp and Crits Fame joins Ryan to revisit the Trolley Problem before switching modes of green transportation to discuss laser bikes! Then they weigh in on a r/nostupidquestions inquiry in which an internet user wonders whether their overweight work colleagues are going to cause his pool to overflow. Then, while you're still basking in pool party vibes, they pivot to ways you can love your hole self by simply getting a little more sun. They end the episode by discussing the horrific implications of bottomless breadsticks.Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpodFind us online at www.wreckyourpod.comFind Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcritsFind them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.comChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZThis week's episode also contained a clip, used for commentary and analytical purposes, from Tom Cardy's song HYCYBH. You can find Tom Cardy on Instagram and Twitter @tomycardy, and on TikTok at @TomCardy.

REMASTERED: Doggy Day Drinking

This episode originally aired on 06 April 2021, and it has only improved with age and hard lessons about audio production. The episode has been remastered for better audio quality. Don't Wreck Yourself will return with new episodes after Labor Day!The guys run down a series of rabbit holes in their search for the truth. Ryan tells about his harrowing near death experience at the wrong end of a banana. Matt sniffs around a dog adoption bar. Then they talk hot lava and prove they have the balls to make a splash.Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and Gmail @wreckyourpodChat with us on the CastJunkie Discord Server: https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Introducing the Butt Kazoo

Matt and Ryan pop the cork on a finely matured r/nostupidquestions inquiry in which an asker needs to know the carnal dangers of combining toots and toys. Then they do their best not to get tripped up by another r/nostupidquestions topic seeking to know the etiquette of watching someone else take a spill. Next they try to figure out how the world would be a different place if men experienced menstrual cycles. Then they do their best to describe their eggplant emojis with a movie title. Finally, they discuss an image of a book met with controversy and anger on r/antinatalism.Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and Gmail @wreckyourpodChat with us on the CastJunkie Discord Server: https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Cruising for a Bruising

Matt and Ryan kind of sort of answer a listener question about who was worse between two Byzantine Empresses. Then they address a report from the Daily Beast about a South African man who fell victim to a Jaeger induced illness. Then they go to an r/NoStupidQuestion about how a magician turned off a TV in the early 1990s without using the remote. Then they discuss a post from r/conspiracy calling into question the authenticity of images from the James Webb Space Telescope. Finally, they discuss an alleged act that caused a mass melee on the open seas.Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpodFind us online at www.wreckyourpod.comThis Episode's Promo Comes from Monster HourFind them on Twitter @MonsterHourPodFind them online at https://monsterhour.podbean.com/Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Monster Hour and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ 

The Monkey Business Pitfalls of Being a Banana Karen

In this episode, Matt and Ryan bask in the afterglow of America's explosive birthday party before taking on a topic from r/AITA centering on the whens and hows a man can eat a banana at work without getting fired. Then they discuss Wal-Mart's recent decision to drop a coconut milk line over its unexpected source of forced labor. Next they weigh in on Google's recent dismissal of an employee over his belief that Google's machine learning software has gotten to be a little TOO human. Finally, Ryan provides an update on the hermit-for-hire job market.Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and Gmail @wreckyourpodChat with us on the CastJunkie Discord Server: https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ Additional audio in this episode was sourced from The Internet Archive (http://www.archive.org) Lullaby of the LeavesPublication date: 1940Performer: Art TatumWriter: Young; PetkereMatrix number: DLA1940ACatalog number: 04318The Penny-Whistle SongPublication date: 1951Performer: LEROY ANDERSON And His "Pops" Concert OrchestraWriter: Leroy AndersonMatrix number: W81233T12ACatalog number: 28037