Don’t Wreck Yourself

A Lobster or a Dildo, For Example

Ryan and Cap reunite for some pretty questionable questions. First they answer a question from r/TooAfraidToAsk that will change the way you look at genitals. Then, speaking of things people lie about the size of, Ryan and Cap swap fishing stories as they analyze a portrait of gargantuan tuna. Then they wade into another ocean life related question, as they discuss a family's psychopathic ritual crustacean murders... no really. Then they discuss the bathroom etiquette of the dildos you live with and the dildos of the dildos you live with... it's like a Russian doll, but dildos, like a Russian doll painted to look like Vladimir Putin, the biggest dildo in Russia.
You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at www.fondlemelobster.comFind the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideFind Cap on Twitter @capandcritsFind Cap's show at www.shrimpandcrits.com 
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This Episode was edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldin.

Beerdozer

In this week's episode, Ryan and CJ discuss a meme purporting to save you money on home repairs. Then they offer the Jim Kramerest possible wealth management advice on the market when they tackle Whiskey Investment with slightly less slurred enthusiasm than CNBC. Finally they weigh in on the right wing assault on Bud Light, and specifically they look to crush a video of a steamroller destroying pallets of Bud Light.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideFind CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This Episode was not edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldin, but he edits other episodes, and we're too lazy to change the tag in the show notes. 

Eating Kids and Yeeting Kids

In this episode, Ryan and Matt discuss the leak of classified documents on Discord. Then they take on a controversial police action that starts off infuriating, but ends deliciously when everyone eats the victim. Then they discuss a case of a whale supposedly beached in the middle of the Amazon rainforest. Then Matt shares a skydiving service marketing to the parents of toddlers on Facebook. Finally, they discuss a redditor's request for one last cigarette before a fiery air disaster.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicideThis Episode edited by the incredible Ian Mauldin who can be found on Twitter @ianmauldinYou can find his show Shrimp & Crits on Twitter and Instagram @shrimpandcrits and online at www.shrimpandcrits.com

Yakuza Kitty Kisses and Other Crimes of Passion

Ryan is joined by Cap and Jess for a wide-ranging discussion covering a lot, and revealing so much more. First they discuss a story from Kentucky centering on a tattling toddler dropping dimes for the 5-0. Then they discuss an unusual rumor at the intersection of Japanese organized crime and sex-focused body modification culture. Then they tear into a completely different topic, with an apparent over the counter sex aid that claims to improve sexual and mental performance. Lastly, Cap elaborates on an old topic about smooching felines, with some practical advice of how to cover up the crime.You can support the show as a Sponsor by signing up to our Sponsor Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/user?u=39407289Find the show on all social media platforms @wreckyourpodFind Ryan on Instagram and Twitter @foodicide
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcritsFind Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcritsFind them online at www.shrimpandcrits.comFind Jess on Twitter @UrPhilosophies
 

A Year in Wrecktrospect 2

Welcome to the special two-year anniversary episode of our podcast! We are infinitely grateful for all of the support that our listeners have given us over the past two years, and we wanted to take a moment to celebrate with some of our favorite outtakes from the past year.
This endeavor wouldn't be possible without all the incredible co-hosts and guest hosts who've given so much of their time and effort to this production over the past year. There were two folks who didn't get thanked in the episode.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits
Find Ian on Twitter @IanMauldin
Find Catie on Twitter @CatieStroud
Find Ian's music here: https://damnedrivers.bandcamp.com/
Find Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Find Scott and the No New Friends Podcast on social media @nonewfriendspd and on the web at www.nonewfriendspodcast.com
Find Rick on Instagram @rickreynolds
Find Dr. Brad on Twitter @BradHafford and on the YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@artifactuallyspeaking
Find Shane and Psycho Bob the Cat @shakinshaner and @psychobobca1 on Twitter and online at www.shakinshaner.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

The Dork Side of the Moon

Ryan, Matt, and Monica eat their protein pills and put their helmets on before launching into a slew of Moon related topics. First they establish the facts about when exactly it's 4:20 on the Moon. Then they educate some fellow podcasters about the geological history of the Moon and also, sorta, dinosaurs. Then they tuck into a delicious topic, the literal breakfast of champions: the "traditional" astronaut breakfast of steak and eggs. Then they dive into the blackest hole in the universe, r/AmITheAsshole, with a question about whether or not it's okay to opt out of your high school bully's cancer fundraiser.

No Time for Balls, Dr. Jones

Ryan and CJ analyze a viral video from Facebook purporting to show the death of an Indiana Jones stunt performer. Then they provide an exceptional value to folks online looking for the cheapest possible legal opinion by weighing in free of charge on a question by someone considering a lawsuit against their neighbor for beekeeping. Then they settle a question posed by a TikTok user who wants to know which sportscar is most likely to get pulled coming out of the parking lot of a bar. Then they try to break down the science of a penis moving at a scientifically unlikely velocity.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/g863M7ZSA8

Rodent Based Weather Monitoring Balloons

Matt returns for an episode to help break Ryan from a news cycle that will not die not matter how many Executive Branch officials have to get raided by the thugs of Joe Biden's crooked FBI (that's a joke, but seriously, you're great FBI, no notes this time.) Matt opens up the show by spinning a tale of deceit, lust, intemperance, and a lovely Delta Airlines customer service representative named after a snack icon Little Debbie (I assume). Then they go on to discuss a final, yes FINAL Groundhog's Day themed question shared by listener Diana, followed by a second topic  from Diana about a snow plow naming contest. Finally, Matt and Ryan offer some commentary on the discourse surrounding recently lost Chinese spy balloons.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Matt high as fuck on his couch most days, or you can...
Find Matt on TikTok and Instagram @mattsaintcool
Find Matt on Twitter @mattbsaintsing
 
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself and dozens of other podcasters on the PodCast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

A Seemingly Infinite Number of Weeks of REDACTED

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Ryan wakes up to even more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events. Again. And Again. And AGAIN.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Rick on Instagram @rickreynolds
Find Dr. Brad on Twitter @@BradHafford and on the YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@artifactuallyspeaking
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Six More Weeks of REDACTED

Ryan wakes up to more of the same. He reaches out to a friend to discuss recurrent events.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Scott and the No New Friends Podcast on social media @nonewfriendspd and on the web at www.nonewfriendspodcast.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Going 6,000 Rounds With Your Teacher’s Twin Sister

Ryan and CJ revisit a recent topic from Episode 66 by discussing the fundamental differences between Joe Biden and Donald Trump's respective breaches of US national security protocol. Then they delve into a topic from listener Maurice regarding a memed up story of a sewer worker who allegedly got into the vault of the Bank of England. Then they discuss a question from r/TooAfraidToAsk that seeks clarity on how different a person has to be from your significant other to make it "not cheating". They follow up by taking a question from r/NoStupidQuestions from a student who wants to understand the math behind their math teacher's grading metrics... if only there was someone more qualified to answer their math questions... then they wrap things up by gunning down another topic from show listener Maurice that centers on a meme claiming that a piece of heavy duty military hardware has found itself in the hands of one of America's most dangerous people... the Florida Man.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the Podcast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Can A Bald Eagle?

Ryan is joined by CJ on this episode to discuss all the internet's questions! First they discuss a conspiracy about r/conspiracy posted on r/conspiracy. Then they take a deep dive into the internet rumor that America's former sweetheart Ellie Kemper won a KKK beauty pageant, but the truth is actually way weirder and it involves a lot of armed, racist sorcerers throwing fat stacks at a parade celebrating the dismantling of 100 year old labor dispute. Finally, CJ and Ryan tackle a topic submitted by Cap from Shrimp and Crits! Then at the end, technically speaking, a surprise!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Wreck the Halls 2: Bless Ye Merry Baphomet

In this holiday special, Ryan summons three host to help him Wreck the Halls with boughs of internet folly. Normally we tell you all the topics we cover in an episode, but this is a season of gift giving. Just unwrap it.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Matt cannot be found. By choice.
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the PodCast Nexus Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZThis episode also contained the two songs by the late, great, and mouthy Tom Lehrer, who graciously arranged for all of his music to be released to the public domain after his death. The following songs were used in this episode...A Christmas Carol - https://tomlehrersongs.com/a-christmas-carol/Smut - https://tomlehrersongs.com/smut/

TouchTunes Terrorism

CJ rejoins Ryan to answer all the heavy hitting questions, like a listener submitted question about roundabout legal etiquette from r/NoStupidQuestions. Then they offer some insight into best barbecue brisket practices from r/bbq. Then they discuss another question from r/NoStupidQuestions that delves into Constitutional rights or physics... it's honestly not clear. Then Ryan dives deep into a topic from r/theydidthemath about dying in sealed room, and then he offers up an anecdote about a popular superstition from South Korea. Then they perk their ears up for another r/theydidthemath question about music piracy! Arrrrrrrrr!
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmastersc
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

On Flat Earth, I’m Six Foot

Ryan is joined by his friend Monica this week to unravel the knot of internet ignorance. They start off by explaining what life after 40 looks like to the young folks out there. Then they discuss the population statistics of polar bears in the southern hemisphere, before taking on a picture of a homeschool model of the Earth that frankly has no hemispheres. Then they answer a question from r/antinatalism about why historic maternal death rates did not lead to widespread celibacy, before discussing a meme'd text exchange between some poor kid who is too short for love and his tall friend.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Mastodon and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.comThis week we feature a promo from The Monster's Playbook.
Find The Monster's Playbook on Twitter @monsterplaybook and instagram @monstersplaybook
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Monster's Playbook and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Don’t Spook Yourself 2!

Happy Halloween! For the second annual Don't Spook Yourself Halloween spectacular, Ryan is joined by the incredibly spooky Catie Stroud and absolutely kooky Cap from Shrimp and Crits. They talk candy hotdogs memes, before knocking on a stranger's door to provide a smart answer to an r/nostupidquestions inquiry exploring the connection between Dracula and the classic Halloween banger Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by Johannes Sebastian Bach. Then they try to figure out whether a native American curse is murdering Floridians with cotton candy colored farts. Then they delve into the darkest innermost reaches of the human soul when they answer a cry for help on r/AmItheAsshole dealing with a radio famous monstrous goat sucker. Then they discuss some junior grade suckers being scammed by a post from r/UnethicalLifeProTips. Then they hop onto a vintage meme showcasing the fight against monstrously large grasshoppers in the American west. Finally, our trio of Halloween experts stir the cauldron by helping a user from r/NoStupidQuestion dress themself for the biggest spooky day of the year.Also, we've hidden some weird treats throughout the episode.
The following music was used for this media project:
Music: Kinetic Energy by Tim Kulig
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/9180-kinetic-energy
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Artist website: https://timkulig.com/albumsMuch of today's episode was made possible freesounds.org, a phenomenal resource for audio producers on budget. Their audio is all user uploaded under a creative commons license. I encourage you to tap into that resource and maybe leave a donation to ensure that their free sound database will be there for future Don't Wreck Yourself Halloween episodes...
https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/339325/#
https://freesound.org/people/Benboncan/sounds/63220/
https://freesound.org/people/Glaneur%20de%20sons/sounds/104952/
https://freesound.org/people/Bosk1/sounds/144083/
https://freesound.org/people/d78productions/sounds/367982/
https://freesound.org/people/revolt2563/sounds/352870/
https://freesound.org/people/0XMUSEX0/sounds/168650/
https://freesound.org/people/jorickhoofd/sounds/160047/
https://freesound.org/people/florianreichelt/sounds/459964/
https://freesound.org/people/Timbre/sounds/103539/
https://freesound.org/people/jaryhenry/sounds/567199/
https://freesound.org/people/DylanTheFish/sounds/419507/
https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/452899/

Oops! All Sex Education!

CW: IT IS OUR 69TH EPISODE, SO YEAH, IT'S GONNA BE NICE. AND BY NICE WE MEAN SEXUALLY EXPLICIT. LIKE... SLIGHTLY MORE THAN USUAL.
 
Ryan is joined once again by Cap from Shrimp and Crits to celebrate our arrival at a very good number of episodes wit ha very special Oops! All Reddit! episode. This week, they answer a request from r/theydidthemath breaking down the condom budget run rate of a sexually confident Facebook user. Then they take on an age old landmine in every relationship with a query from r/TooAfraidToAsk , before discussing human-nonhuman hybridization in response to an r/NoStupidQuestions post. Turning back to r/TooAfraidToAsk, Ryan and Cap help to arbitrate an embarrassing dispute simmering between housemates. In a tantric display of informational endurance they stick around in r/TooAfraidToAsk to answer questions about blue balls and what constitutes standard dirty talk in the heat of the moment. Finally, they return to r/NoStupidQuestions to help some poor kid who left evidence of his post-pubescence directly in his mother's path to figure his way out of an awkward situation.
 
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Cap on Twitter @capandcrits, and his show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Tripping Bullocks

Ryan welcomes Will, AKA Dr. Crox, to the show for a riveting discussion about Japanese fart scrolls, before taking on a question about dancing testicles from r/TooAfraidToAsk. They segue from the surreal to the hallucinatory, when they deal with a meme found on r/TheyDidTheMath requesting info about how much LSD a town would need to get the party started. Then they get into some deep analysis of a bloodthirsty check splitter from r/AmITheAsshole, and round out the episode with a beauty claim from r/conspiracy that accuses Ms. Congeniality Sandra Bullock of harvesting baby penises to achieve her immortal complexion. 
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Will on Instagram @drcroxtx
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ
This episode contains audio from The Ellen Show, which has been edited for length and is presented for analytical context. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-kdXGfxY6o

Han Solo’s Frozen Carbonite Dong

CONTENT WARNING: This episode features descriptions of criminal acts, some of which are violent nature. These crimes include, but are not limited to the following...MATRICIDEHUMAN CLONINGORGAN HARVESTINGTRAPPING PEOPLE IN CARBONITESTAR WARS EPISODES 7-9TACO SPAGHETTISERIAL MURDERPETTY THEFTToday, Ryan is joined by Ian Mauldin from Shrimp and Crits. They discuss a strangely Star Wars branded erotic dessert, before weighing in on a r/AmITheAsshole post seeking judgment on a bride's wedding party politics. Then Ryan and Ian offer their best Tinder dating tips to a Redditor posting on r/NoStupidQuestions. Next they delve into the culinary world examining a pair of food memes. The first is simply a recipe for a disturbing one-pot fusion dish, and then they weigh into the scrumchability of a butter made from maggots. They shake off the post-maggot butter blues with a song and dance related query from r/antiwork before getting wildly sidetracked in the outro.
Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpod
Find us online at www.wreckyourpod.com
Find Ian on Twitter @IanMauldinFind Ian's music here: https://damnedrivers.bandcamp.com/ and also here: Find Ian's show Shrimp and Crits on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @shrimpandcrits
Find them online at www.shrimpandcrits.com, or support them by visiting www.fondofmelobster.com
Chat with Don't Wreck Yourself, Shrimp and Crits, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ

Locked Down, Tuned Up, Taking Secret Data Dumps

This week Ryan is joiend by CJ Cypress to talk alcohol and barbecue. First they discuss a query from r/TooAfraidToAsk about whether 1pm is too early for her boyfriend to be drunk... then they cross the International Date Line to discuss an alleged Japanese government initiative to get people to drink more booze. Then Ryan breaks down the difference between Hillary's email server and Donald Trump's intentional violation of national security procedures for an r/ask Redditor. Then they talk about... have you ever seen The Shape of Water? It's like that, but instead of water it's . Finally, a classic DWY combo... drugs and bears!Find Don't Wreck Yourself on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and gmail @wreckyourpodFind us online at www.wreckyourpod.comFind CJ on Instagram @backyardpitmasterscChat with Don't Wreck Yourself, and dozens of other podcasters on the CastJunkie Discord server...https://discord.gg/z5GMvpmyTZ